I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
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