Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
operation have a gay friend backfired
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize