Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize