Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize