And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
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After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
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So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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