i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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