First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
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cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
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