with your own penis?
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Four minutes until I can fart!
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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