no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You dont lie about slip and slides
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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