So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
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We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
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I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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