my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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