are you still at the devil's house?
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
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Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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