Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
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Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
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Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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