if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
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Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
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You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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