dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize