did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
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hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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