I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Terrible idea I love it
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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