he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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