I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
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