Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
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I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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