five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
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we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
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I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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