Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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