My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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