It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
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Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
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Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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