don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
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When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
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His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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