overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't judge my taste in strippers
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize