I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize