All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
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You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
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I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
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