Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ππ#pensacolaproblems
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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