You're completely useless in the revolution.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize