she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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