Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize