Just took my morning after pill in the library
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
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My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
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The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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