she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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