I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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