Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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