it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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