i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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