Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
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Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
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I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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