I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
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I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
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I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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