Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
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I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
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I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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