you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
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What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
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I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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