He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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