youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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