So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
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my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
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I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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