is your mom at the bar?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize