My liver just broke up with me...
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
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I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
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i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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