I hate all girls vehemently.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize