Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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