Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize